Tonight I met my first client for a paid photo job. Because the job is for pregnancy shots, the new parents wanted to meet me beforehand to make sure they're comfortable with me. Why? Because Mom wants nudes! She also wants the photos to project a strong mother figure as opposed to the typical belly embracing pregnancy photos you see on web sites and in magazines.  I almost hugged her when I heard this, but at the same time, I almost threw up from fear. How will I pull this off?

The place where I'm shooting is a wonderful space on the North side of Chicago with gorgeous hardwood floors and floor to ceiling neutral brick walls. I already have some ideas, but I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much until this shoot is over.

I want to use these photos to build my portfolio, and for people to be happy to spread the word about my art, services, and professionalism. I think this is the best way to grow a business like this. I mean, I'm thinking the art should speak for itself, but if you can't listen and communicate with your clients, I'm thinking you won't get very far. Who wants to work with an asshole, right?

Anyway, this is a new Mom and Dad. People who have an amazing sense of style and know what they want. I am extremely lucky to have this opportunity, and I don't want to fuck it up!

Wish me luck.

he tapped me on the shoulder with a wet hand and whispered "i'm crashing".

i ran in to the kitchen, cut up watermelon, and fed him slowly hoping to bring his body back to normal, but it wasn't happening. he couldn't answer my questions, and had an exhausted look of panic in his eyes. i thought this was it.

i called emergency services and ran around this small space wondering what to do next, so i kept talking to him and asking him questions even though i knew he couldn't answer them. i realized at that very moment that i needed him more now than ever, but he couldn't help me.

mark's blood sugar dropped way too low. i had to call 911.

he's ok now. probably even better than i am at this point because he's sleeping and i've been up all night.

good night

hey, dudes. what's up?

i got hired to take photos today, and i might be hired on to do weekend work to shoot sporting events too. my photog / video thing is picking up. i never planned on getting paid for this shit, but it seemed to have just happened. i guess this means i'll be busier than ever, which is cool by me as long as my body can take it.

oh, hey. here's a song for you. all you have to do is right click on this link and choose save as (for windows users). it's my favorite song right now. it's by the eels. i hope you enjoy it.

every day seems like it's a roller coaster to me. once minute i could feel confident that i'll get better and the next i feel like i'm going to be in pain forever. seriously..it's a minute by minute thing. when i feel liek i won't get better, i think about ending my life. i don't want to live in pain. i'm so fucked up about having to look forward to pain. i don't talk about this to anyone in my real life because i don't want to bring anyone down, but here i feel like i can let it out a little. please don't be nervous for me. you should be more nervous when i don't talk about it. that's when i'm deep in the hole. i'm sorry for talking about it here with you. i don't expect any sympathy and i would rather you not even bring it up. i just need to get this out of my head. it's a daily struggle. yesterday i got a shot in my abdomen to numb up a painful trigger point. it didn't seem to help much. they might ahve to give me a series of shots to work this thing out if they can.

i'm diggin' my neighborhood this time of year. i like walking down the street and stopping to pet someone's dog, or chat with total strangers. the hood is full of young vibrant people who seem relatively friendly. men walking hand in hand is very typical here. that comforts me. it's the first place in my life that i felt like i fit in.

i'm just rambling at this point, but honestly, it feels good to just do that. i have lots of shit i need to do, but don't feel like doing anything else, but tap at these keys.

i twitter all day too. add me. my username is loonachic. i'm on protected so i have to approve you to follow my feed.

that's it i guess.